With Valentine’s Day around the corner and every marketable ploy out there telling us that true love is the answer..I thought it would be fitting to reverse the trend and touch base on the subject of being "unloved".
As human beings we have three basic needs in life; Physical needs (food, water, shelter, and clothing), the need for Safety (which includes security and resources), and the need for Love (being loved, belonging, and relationships).
Without all of these basic needs in tact, life can become unbalanced. We all know what can happen when physical needs are not being met, but what happens to us when our need for love does not get addressed?
All of us have faced or will face being unloved in various circumstances and on various levels during our lives. From the child who is neglected, to the teen who faces her first break-up, to the elderly who is forgotten, to the dedicated employee who is fired from his beloved job…and the list goes on and on. All of these on varying levels can bring us into the realm of feeling unwanted and unloved. Research has even proven that young children who experience feelings of being unloved at an early stage in life, have a difficult time with love and relationships later on as adults.
Several years ago, when my former marriage fell apart, I experienced intense feelings of being unloved, unwanted and worthlessness. Loving someone who didn’t love me back, hurt deeply. I carried guilt, shame and resentment with me everywhere I went and I allowed those feelings to consume my every thought to the point where I began to believe that any kind of a loving relationship simply did not exist on this planet. I can remember on one particular day shortly after my ex husband and I had separated, I went for a walk at our local park to try and clear my head. As I started on the path towards the beach, I noticed a young couple very much in love.They were holding hands, laughing and cuddling close together, oblivious to my dark looming presence. Of course, they were doing nothing wrong, but in my twisted mind I felt the urgent need to run up to the couple and pry them apart while yelling at the top of my lungs.. “True love doesn’t exist! It’s all a BIG FAT LIE!! Run away and spare yourselves while you still can!!” Fortunately for them (and for me!) I came to my senses and did not follow through on that impulse. Instead, I walked calmly by them and kept my thoughts to myself.
It wasn’t until some time later that I began to realize that feeling unloved is in itself the REAL LIE. As human beings we will hurt one another. We will love and be unloved. When it comes to human interaction with one another there is going to be disappointment. But even when faced with feelings of being unloved, there is a truth that needs to be told. On a higher level, one that in our earthly minds we can not even fathom, is a love for us that is so amazing, so true and so real! What love am I talking about you might ask? Well, I am talking about a love that does not come from another human being. I am talking about a divine love. A love that can only be experienced when you open up your heart and mind to the Creator of the Universe. This love that I speak of is from our Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally. His love never fails, never changes and will never leave us or forsake us. Once we begin to fully embrace this love that God has for us, then and only then can we experience love in its true form.
As for me, once I was able to accept that I was worthy of that kind of love and embrace that God really did love me unconditionally, only then was I able to find a renewed sense of freedom and peace. Knowing that I am loved deeply by my Creator, gave me the ability to withstand hurts and disappointments that I might not have otherwise been able to handle. It also gave me a greater ability to show love to others and opened up the doors for me to experience relationships in a whole new way. So I was never really unloved…and neither are you! In the 70’s there was a popular saying on many bumper stickers which read, “Smile God loves you.” It might sound a bit corny, but there is truth in that. God does love you..so you are really never “unloved”. And that my friends is something to smile about.
With All My Love,